"You are worth it"
Don’t ever see yourself as a looser, as you are not. As I said before, we’re all winners! It’s hard to believe that, at certain moments in life, but believe me when I say that we can all realize our dreams. You just need to take the leap and have confidence.
Just think back in time. You’ve already accomplished so many things in life. Things that you took for granted, that you didn’t see as a victory. Just go back. Back to your birth. How’s that for an accomplishment. You got into your first race and you won! And how about starting to walk, talk, ride a bike, … I can go on and on, but that would be boring at the end. I guess I can say: “Point made”. Make a list for yourself and when you’re having doubts, just read it. Every day, try to add just one accomplishment on your list, how small it may seem to you. It will help you grow your self-confidence.
I know that I’m all into turning negative situations into positive experiences. You must be wondering how to do so. It’s just a thing I learned myself throughout the years. Of course you can talk to people about your setbacks, but please just stop complaining. It will only bring you more down. Just know that, complaining about your problems to other people won’t help you, as they too have their problems. And you know what. Their problems are always ‘bigger than yours’ as they are their own problems and not yours.
The number of people on anti-depressants is monstrous. We get stuck in that vicious circle. Reasons can be so different. It might be a divorce, your children got on the wrong path, colleagues that bully you all the time, …
Let me entrust you a story.
A friend of mine didn’t feel happy in life. She assumed her husband was cheating on her, but she had no proof, no proof at all. She just had that gut feeling. So she started to check up on him. As soon as she saw an opportunity, she took his phone to check all there is to check. His messages, the calls he had made, emails, social media, just everything! It made her feel bad, but she couldn’t resist. It frustrated her when she couldn’t find anything. She was starting to feel depressed, all because of the assumption that her husband was having an affair.
She could no longer hide her feelings, she was lost and didn’t know how to behave when he was around. Soon the situation got worse. She began to doubt herself. Could she no longer inspire him or attract him? All those doubts got her to sink deeper. Instead of just talking to him about it, she started to imagine all kinds of stuff. Who is he seeing? How can I make him love me again? Where will I end up if he leaves me? …
Not weeks, but months, she was possessed by the thought. She had a hard time getting up in the morning. Het zest for life had vanished. All energy was far gone. The once so cheerful lady was no longer there. The twinkle in her eyes had disappeared. Her relationship deteriorated visibly. Her husband began to avoid her. Her friends pulled out.
Finally she went to the doctor. She was prescribed anti-depressants. They would take her from the deep valley and make her happy again ... How can you get out of the valley if you do not even tackle the problem at the base.
A few weeks ago her husband was out with friends, she didn’t feel to join them. So I decided it was time to visit her. We started talking and again she raise the subject of her husband cheating on her. She was completely upset. She then started to text him, but got no answer. At least not within the first half hour. “See!” she said, “He’s lying. He’s not out with friends, he’s out with her!”
She then took a pill out of the box. I grabbed her hand and asked her why she needed the pill. "To deal with the situation.”, she said, “ I feel less depressed when I take it. I can handle everything better.” "Wtf?!? This has become a vicious circle. Instead of tackling the problem at the base and starting the conversation, you are taking a pill?!”, I said. “Why do you text him while you were welcome to join him? Do you want to go through life this way? Drugged and paranoia? Every little setback gives you an extra reason to take a pill. Just dare to leap. The longer you postpone it, the further you wander from reality! You have two possible outcomes here: or you talk about it and work on your relationship or you say goodbye to each other and you each go your own new way. It’s as simple as that! And you can be sure that anyhow life will be a lot more pleasant!”
Every reaction he would have made on that text message, would have made her take that pill. If he would have answered immediately, she would have thought he was hiding his ‘mistake’. Answering after 30 minutes was a confirmation of his unfaithfulness. Not answering … Well I guess she would have taken two instead of one …
She eventually started the conversation with her husband. He had an extramarital relationship and suddenly uttered the complete truth. What had only been about feelings in the past few months - according to him - she had stimulated, because of her behaviour, into a relationship. Bullshit if you ask me. Anyway, the truth was known at last. However hard that may be. You can only put it in a positive light if you know what it means.
Talking gives you a clear view of the situation. What if he had actually had a relationship months back and she had known this immediately? He could have talked to her about her behaviour instead of ‘falling in love’ with another woman. They could have talked about it and tried to work it out. It’s not because you step out of a relationship that you have failed, no. Do you want to wonder for the rest of your life if there was not a better party for you? Someone who loves and carries you on his or her hands? Someone you want to share your deepest secrets with?
Anyway, my friend and her husband have decided to split up. It took her months to get over the break, but she can finally see the positive things about it.
If she would have stayed with him, she wouldn’t have moved to this nice neighbourhood where she now lives. She has finally found peace and is not always suspicious about various issues. She follows courses and does the things she likes. She has found the strength to continue and looks very positively to the future as well as to what happened in the past. This twist in her life has been the salvation for her from a negative situation.
My advice. Just ask when you’re having doubts. And if the answer is ‘negative’, just imagine how it could have ended up when you didn’t. By asking and daring to know the truth, you will speed up the process to happiness. Believe me. Rather know it now then in a couple of months, or years. Change your life now. Look at the positive side and always believe in a perfect outcome. Don’t settle with less than the best as you are worth it!
© Vicky Drappier – Dare to leap