'How' I do it!
In life, there are different routes from present to future. It takes energy and courage to take that leap and move forward. I know, it has taken me a while to do so to, but I just did, as I hate negative feelings and thoughts. As I said before, no way I would like to go into that deep dark abyss.
A few days ago, I was having dinner with my husband when he asked me ‘how’ I do it. How I change something negative into something positive. He knows I do it, but he doesn’t get the ‘how’. I had to think really hard about that. I know that my stories all have a positive outcome, but how do I set my mind in a positive gear? I just know that every time I make a decision on something, or even when I’m forced into making a decision, I check in with my own values and I just know it will work, because it’s the right decision for ME.
He told me that I’m like an iceberg, with the top rising a bit. What you see above the surface is all about positivity, it is shining. What is under the surface, are my negative experiences, my setbacks I carry with me.
“Well”, I said, “I know that I carry some of the past with me, but not all. When it’s slowing me down, I just disconnect it, as it’s ‘only waste’. I don’t allow it to slow me down or even take me under. And when I do so, it’s a relief to me. It means I was already prepared to get rid of it. You then will see the top of my iceberg lifting up and even rising higher. There are just some things and experiences that you can’t let go of. Take for instance losing our loved ones. But I’ve learned how to live and deal with it.”
Let me give you some insights on how I do it. I don’t expect you to turn around your reaction on events in just one day. No, let’s start off at the very beginning. With something easy to do and making a habit out of it.
We first of all need to change our behaviour in life. Getting those bad thoughts and feelings out of your system. It’s the way you see it, the way you think it. It’s your mindset! Inspite of everything, you are the one in control of your life! Try to shift from negative to positive.
Here’s a simple example to start with. We all know the saying “my glass is half full” or “my glass is half empty”. Half full is positive, true? It’s just how you state things, that makes it more constructive. Try to never think of something as a loss, but rather as a gain. To each story there’s a flip side. Shift from one to another, although it might be hard to do so in the beginning.
Remember when I wrote about “Goodbyes”. My dad was told he had 3% chance of living longer with surgery. Regardless of the low number, he took that chance with both hands as there was hope predicted. Something positive that could be. But what if the doctors would have told him that there was a 97% chance of failure. Different message, right? …
The fear of losing induces inaction, while the thrill of gain sets us to action.
We can also change our mood into a positive way. It’s simple but we tend to forget it, as we are rather more inclined to remember the negative things. We come home in the evening after a hard day of work. You are then asked how your day has been. Often we start complaining, all negative experiences we just need to get out of our system. We can all recognize ourselves in this situation. We just ‘forget’ about all the positive stuff that has happened to us during the day. Maybe a colleague has given you a compliment or something totally unexpected just happened. You got a call from an old friend, you met somebody on the train, … Once you start talking about those small events, you will catch yourself smiling after only a few seconds. It will brighten up your day and make disappear those bad feelings. Try it out, you will see that it’s a nice start to change life as you know it. Don’t get stuck in those negative feelings.
One other thing I do is highlight the progress. I’m in control of my own actions and I reward myself immediately when taking action. I celebrate it. I know that things do not happen or change in a positive way that quickly, after taken the decision. I just know that it will work, because it was the right decision for me and I checked it with my proper values. I always have lived life on my own terms. I know that life has a greater plan for me and I have leaned to trust. Especially trust in myself. Trust my intuition.
Don’t feel stuck when you fear. Just pick what you want in life. What do you expect from life? Who do you want to be? Don’t analyse it over and over, but dare to leap. There are only a few questions you should ask yourself when making a decision. What’s important to you? What do you enjoy in life?… And finally ask yourself what frustrates you. If then all your questions are answered according to your values, just make that leap. You will notice that you made the perfect choice.
Let me explain it further to you in a concrete example.
As you already know I ‘lost’ my business a few years ago. If I look at that episode in life there were two choices I had to make. The first one was forced upon me ‘file for bankruptcy’. The second one was my choice on a professional level, ‘my new career’.
I found peace in the first one as actually, even though it was negative news, all of my questions were answered according to my values. It was important to me to sell the business, as spending time with my family was something I had to miss already for years and I craved for it. My health, both emotionally and physically, was deteriorated visibly. Things just needed to change.
I enjoyed the time with my family, but we were only ‘complete’ one evening every fortnight … And what frustrated me most during those last 6 months, was not knowing what the judge would finally decide. So however the verdict would be, it would free me and open up new opportunities!
So, when the verdict came and I received negative news that I had lost everything I worked for, I turned it into a positive experience. Finally I was freed from that chapter of life.
Only a few weeks later I got a message from a formal director of mine. He had started up a new business and wanted me to hit Corporate world. So again I popped those three questions to myself, in order to decide what to do. I did my homework. Checked out the website and set up a meeting with him. Again I made my final decision according to my own values and terms. He gave me the recognition I find very important in life. I just love and enjoy new challenges and finally by accepting his offer my frustrations of sitting at home and wondering what to do next just vanished. I signed my contract and started only two weeks later. My reward: I discovered a new passion in life… digitalization.
You know, as we grow older we grow wiser. We learn from bad news.
I often in life felt stuck. It’s a feeling that brings down your motivation. I just hate that feeling. So, I just picked what I wanted, according to my own values and terms. I didn’t need to analyse it over and over again. Getting out of your comfort zone is not easy, but necessary to get out of the routine.
By not acting, by postponing your final decision, you are killing your possibilities in life! You need to learn how to love yourself and put a clear mirror in front of you.
We can all live the lives we want and feel happy, but not if we stay in that autopilot mode.
Dare to leap and live life on your own terms.
© Vicky Drappier