"We're all special"
We have four kids at home. Three boys and a girl. It can be quite busy sometimes, as we have two dogs as well. But hey, at least I can say that there’s always movement in our house. With all those different characters its even more exiting. It’s quite a challenge to approach everyone one with the same story but in a different way. We are open and share all there is to share with one another. Honesty is something that is a priority in our family.
A few years ago my youngest son and I were having a walk with the dog. The only moments during the day that we could have some quality time, as I was running a business. Somehow I always knew he was ‘different’. He used to have an extra room in the house that we called his ‘atelier’. The room was filled with paint, brushes and a canvas easel that he had inherited from his great-grandfather. Paper in all possible sizes and colours. An incredible number of scissors with different cutting surfaces. A true craft workshop where he spent all possible hours. His creativity knew no restrictions. He was and still is my artist. He loves tinkering and making drawings. He even makes dreamcatchers, what is very rare for a boy.
When he was very young, I guess at the age of 4, I noticed that he was unlike my oldest son. I know, they all dress up at a young age and wear mom’s shoes at one time. But still, I just could feel that he was different. He was very affectionate and kind of introvert. I always had to be very carefull when saying something, just to be sure not to hurt him. We decided to have him undergo a number of tests to better understand his character and behaviour. Results indicated that he’s high sensitive and that we had to adjust our way of communicating with him.
Anyway, when we had our walk with the dog we had a memorable talk. It was during summertime. The sun was shining and we were at a charming place in the centre of town. Weeping willows brighten up the place and provide some shade. It’s quite romantic and peaceful over there with benches on the waterfront. You wouldn’t say you were in a big city, that charming it is.
I guess my boy was only twelve at that time. We were talking about relationships as mine was about to end. I don’t recall why exactly but I just popped the question: “Are you gay?”. He looked at me with twinkling eyes and said: ”Yes I am”. “Ok, so my guess was right. And, are you a ‘pure sang’ or are you going to taste both sides?”. “Oh yes, he answered, I’m pue sang, I don’t like tits”. I just started laughing and felt great as he had made a huge leap in being sincere about it. No need to hide your true feelings. As when you do, you forbid yourself to be happy. You can’t be your true self. No one should hide their real selves.
Now that he’s older - he turned nineteen end of October - we got to meet some potential boyfriends of him. We got introduced into the ‘gay world’. Not in their way, but as parents. I must say that it’s a strange world. There still are a lot of boys hiding their true personality from their families. How can you live with yourself if your life is based on one big lie? How can you get up in the morning all happy to start the day. Always being careful so that your parents wouldn’t find out. Looking over your shoulder with every step you take. You see those people alienate from their families.
I see a lot of possible relationships going all wrong when one of the two hasn’t come out of the closet. Once they get the courage to inform their parents, you see them blossom up. They evolve in a way that was unexpected. They start to experiment with makeup, the dressing style just changes and they even start to act differently. How they walk, that female touch is finally getting out.
We live in a time where being ‘gay’ is no sin. Not in our Western world. For decades people have fought for the right to be accepted as who they are. Even celebrities have struggled but dared to show their true personality. Take for instance Freddy Mercury, Elton John and even George Michael who took a long time to come forward, but did. And how about Cher? What a woman! Her strong opinion, extravagant outfits on stage and her impressive career make her an icon in the LGBT community.
We all have bought records of one of these artists. We all like to sing along with various hits of them. If we had the opportunity to go to a concert to see them perform, we couldn’t resist, right?
Sorry to say, but are we hypocrites? Who are we to like these artists but not excepting the way our own kids are. Only just for fear of comments from people in our environment. Yes, we are hypocrites as long as we don’t accept our children for who they are and don’t feel ashamed about it. Never feel ashamed of your kid’s orientation!
So, we already now for quite some time that our boy is gay. And honestly, who cares! As long as he is happy, it’s fine by us.
To you who’s scared to inform your parents … You can never disappoint them with the person you really are. Your parents love you no matter what! We as your parents have made you, so we are the ones ‘responsible’. Your parents love you no matter what! And when you finally dare to take the leap and come out of the closet, the world will open up. You will finally be able to be the person who you really are and not a fake person trying to please his family in acting as somebody he’s not. Nobody should go threw hell by ‘acting’ his whole life.
To show you how weird things can go. As my boy never made a secret of it that he’s guy, our youngest kid, well the kid of my husband, came forward. Only thirteen and already knowing what she wants in life. Having the freedom and knowing that there is nothing wrong with being gay. So we have two gay kids, no blood relatives, but still. What are the odds, right?
We are a happy family and we don’t point the finger to one another, on the contrary.
My oldest boy is a stud, so? He likes women. Although he has a relationship already for four years, he followed his heart to leave the country and live at the other end of the world. His girlfriend will follow him once she finishes her studies. It takes trust and courage to live life that way.