“Love is out there”
Never regret the choices you have made, it's too late anyway! Deal with the consequences and you will have learned a lesson. In future you will think about possible effects before making an important choice. Just trust yourself, follow your gut feeling instead of waiting, doubting and let time pass you by.
As I mentioned before, I got married twice. The first time to the father of my two children. We ran a business together. Our relationship lasted for about ten years. Two strong personalities that could not be more different. But we came along very well. Actually, the last few years we lived together, were more like a brother-sister relationship. We had quite some setbacks and we both had a totally different perspective on life. Romance was completely gone from our lives, so we split up.
Although our kids hoped for a long time that we would get back together, they now laugh at the idea. We have no common interests, except those of our children. No matter how hard the decision might have been at the time, I have no regrets. No regrets that I’ve taken the difficult path. Start all over again. Find a home, a job when all I had ever known was run my own business. I now had to raise my kids full time, mostly on my own, and make sure I got all bills payed in time.
No need to say that it has been a rough time. All things we had accomplished as a couple, such as our own property, the business, … I left it all behind. We, my kids and I, started off with a mattress, put on the floor in front of the heater in the living room. We would sleep there together. We got some small stuff from friends and family. Little by little, I got to buy new furniture and make a new home for us. We had a great time. I could enjoy my kids to the fullest. Just the three of us.
A few years later, I met my second husband. Sure, I’ve had a few relationships in between. But nobody that could keep me interested. I had a great time with my kids and I couldn't bear any form of comment on them. So, when I got to meet my second husband and he was all into the kids - and visa versa - I simply said ‘yes’ when he popped the question. I now know that it wasn’t wise to have my decision depend on that. Sure, I loved him, but it all went too fast. I hardly knew him for a year. That episode in life now feels as one huge setback. At first we had some nice moments, but after a short while he could no longer hide his true nature. I have fought for a better outcome. The relationship lasted for precisely seven years, day to day. Believe it or not, here too I don’t regret the choices I've made. I’ve learned a lot of lessons during that time. The most important one is: You can never oppose addiction if the person in question is not willing to quit or does not want to go into treatment. You can try several times to make them change their mind, but never ever let them ruin your life and bring you down with them. You are not responsible for the choices people make. You are only responsible for yours.
You probably assume that I had lost faith in love. Well, I did not! As I had my grandparents setting the example. After fifty years of marriage they still crossed the street hand in hand. They had raised seven children and were still in love after all this time.
I now ran my own business as a divorced woman. Business was hard, debts were sky-high, so I just ‘smiled’ my way through the day. One evening my youngest son came into my office: “Mom, the only people you get to see and talk to, are the people that come into the business every day. They have nothing new to tell you. On the contrary. They are only interested in your private life and in getting to find out all the juicy details. You have no friends outside the business. Why won’t you register online and get to know new people. You need friends, you need to go out and meet new people!” And so I did. I started chatting with lots of nice people. It’s perfect when you can just get to know each other’s interests before you even get to meet. I had no time - and no money - to go out at night to have a drink while hoping to get to meet someone who could generate my interest. Some people I wrote with, shared their deepest secrets as they had the urge to tell their story. Family and friends often didn’t want to listen to their lamentations anymore. In a way it gave me a familiar feeling. As for me I didn’t feel the need to share my stories, I was already questioned and judged every day, all day.
Oh yes, it’s true. I have to admit. And believe me, nothing to feel ashamed about. Actually I'm proud say that I’ve met my true love via the internet. People still look weird when you say you’ve met each other through a dating site. We are now living together for over five years and it just feels great! We can still talk for hours and not get bored. We complement each other perfectly. Together we work on the future, our future. We have full confidence in each other and we lift each other to higher horizons. I received all possible support and love when I had to go and file for bankruptcy. He didn’t run off and left me. No, he stood by me as I stand by him in difficult situations. That’s what a relationship is all about. Loving and caring. He’s my support and refuge. And again, it all comes down to trust. Without that, it would simply not work out.
Our family now consists of four children, three boys and a girl. Aged thirteen to twenty-four. We also got two dogs that complete the picture. So it definitely is a full house when everyone is at home! Sure we have our differences. There have been several discussions in the past. There's nothing wrong with that. It got us to know each other better. We now know that we can rely on each other. We all have our vision on life. In order to live together, we give each other enough space and freedom to preserve our personality. We are open and honest but most of all, we have trust.
So my advice to you after two failed marriages is that loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to! Just dare to leap and never give up on love! True love is out there. It will find you at the most unexpected moments. Open up for new adventures and always live life on your own terms.
© Vicky Drappier